Permanence

The more free time I have, the less stuff I tend to want to do. Looking back over the summer, this has been especially true: I got a lot more done when I was working as a tutor or had business to take care of rather than when I had nothing pressing to do.

I had been biding my time for a lot of summer: just waiting for stuff to happen, for someone or an event or a responsibility to come and jolt me out of inaction, and eventually, for summer to end and college to begin. And that works, for the most part. It gets all the jobs done, it’s efficient, and you get to have just as much fun doing things.

But this mode of living is transitory; it only lasts until life actually picks up and starts again. And perhaps because I subconsciously know that this is the case, so is nearly everything I do during that time. I don’t try exceptionally hard to forge new relationships when in this state, because it feels like I’ll know them just temporarily. I tend to not want to start new things when in this state, because it probably won’t last.

Of course, I’m not like that most of the time, or even for all of summer. I did get to know new people this summer, and I did start new things. When I get over the lethargy and pessimism, I’m totally fine. But I’d prefer that I don’t have to get over anything to do things that I want. Which is the biggest reason I want school to hurry up and start, to bring back an assurance of permanence to life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s